Friday, April 17, 2015

Honourable Mention: Ultrachrist!

This 2003 film directed by Kerry Douglas Dye is a no budget comedy about the return of Jesus (Jonathan C. Green). Having come back to Earth – to New York specifically – (and after a run around town naked, pending the purchase of a smoking jacket) Jesus is intent on reviving his ministry but doesn’t seem to be able to connect with the kids.

Via his association with marketing man Murray Klein (Marty Grillo), and the fact that he watched some anime, Jesus decides he needs to change image. Through seamstress Molly (Celia A. Montgomery) he gets a superhero costume (he is not too happy about the crucifix on the front, however, as he hates those things) and tries to connect with the youth of today through the Ultrachrist persona.

Jonathan C. Green is Ultrachrist!
His father (Don Creech) is less than happy about the image (which we later discover ties in to a disturbing prophecy) and so sends the Archangel Ira (Jordan Hoffman) – the patron saint of lap dancers and erotic masseuses – to take the costume away. Of course this is all well and good but there is the question of what this has to do with vampirism?

Michael R. Thomas as Vlad
As well as Jesus being back, the antichrist has come to earth in the form of Parks Commissioner A.C. Meany (Samuel Bruce Campbell). He summons four of the most evil souls in Hell to help him defeat Ultrachrist. The first soul he faces is Vlad Ţepeş (Michael R. Thomas, House of the Wolf Man), who they have dressed up in classic Bela Lugosi type garb. Ultraman must defeat each soul by taking the sin that they personify and making them face the opposing virtue.

Death by virtue
For Vlad the sin is gluttony and he must face self-control. He actually wants to glut himself on news anchor Jada Jennsen (Dara Shindler), who happens to be a virgin, but Ultrachrist tricks him into exercising self-control; thus she is not bitten and Vlad melts away. And that’s it, a very fleeting visitation and a mash up of Vlad and Bela’s Count Dracula. The imdb page is here.

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